Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers. 1 Timothy 5:1
Have you ever had to confront or correct a parent, supervisor, elder, a person twice your age, a friend, or peer? It can be intimidating and difficult to be put in a position to “speak truth to power.” Bad behavior is not limited to youth only; it shows up in adults, too. My father used to say, “Adults are nothing more than children with wrinkles.”
At some point, it will fall to you to have a meeting where it is necessary to confront someone you care about. It could be someone who has authority over you or a situation where there is a good chance the meeting will cost you financially, emotionally, or professionally. The stakes get higher when confronting behavior in the workplace with a coworker or supervisor or in the marketplace with a customer. Whether correcting vertically or horizontally, caring for the person should be at the forefront of your mind when confronting them.
- Care to confront. Correct as you would want to be corrected, with gentleness and understanding, in an atmosphere of hope for the future of the relationship.
- Emotionally compartmentalize. Get “emotionally right” before you enter the conversation. God has given each person the ability to emotionally compartmentalize personal feelings when necessary. If you are not in the right space emotionally or suffer from being wounded, frustrated, or injured by the person you are confronting, you may want to consider delaying the meeting or take in another person with you.
- Following the simple A-B-C Coaching Plan to confront ensures a process that rehabilitates the behavior while caring for the person.
Affirmation: Start the conversation by acknowledging how much you value the person. You can do this by showing appreciation for their contribution to you personally or the organization. Another way to affirm is to acknowledge a person’s strengths, areas of giftedness, and how they add value to you and others.
Behavior: Correct the behavior by stating what is happening, how it is affecting others, and what the expectation is for a change moving forward. Be brief, and if others are in the meeting with you, be careful not to “pile on.” It is important to allow for feedback and discussion after the confrontation to ensure understanding on the issues.
Confidence: Wrap up the meeting by encouraging the person you have just confronted. Assert your confidence in them to turn things around and reaffirm the future ahead for them and the potential you see in them. Schedule a follow-up meeting to check in where appropriate. It is important that people feel your confidence in them, especially after correcting them.
REFLECT TO CONNECT
- When was the last time you had to correct someone?
- What was your experience during the conversation?
- What advice would you give to someone in your shoes?
The ability to biblically confront and correct others enters you into God’s higher-calling rehabilitation and reconciliation program; not everyone can do it.
